Start where you are

My theme for the day. I so want to incorporate yoga and other forms of exercise into my daily routine, but sometimes it feels so hard, I feel stuck. So baby steps, I say, but a little judging voice is often in the background belittling me for getting this far out of shape, for letting fear and weakness grip me in so many ways. Enough. I realized this morning, yes, in some things I am at or back at the baby steps stage, but in many other things I have already made giant leaps. Look forward, not back, and that is the direction you'll go. When you ride a horse well, you always lead them with your intention first, and then give them a physical cue. If you want the horse to turn right, you sit up with calm but directed energy, shoulders down and relaxed, looking through their ears, moving your energy into your intention and think, "right." Often the intention and that shift in energy is all that it takes to make it happen, no wonder, since the horse's native language is body language. Today I started the day with Amy's level 1 DVD. Starting first thing, before breakfast, before tea was new for me. I did the whole thing and practiced not judging, whenever something was difficult, or I just hadn't mastered how to do it correctly I'd hear that faint critical voice looming, but each time I heard it, I practiced bringing my attention to what I can do instead and tried finding my pose, and finding joy in the thought of how far I can go from here. Amy shares so much wisdom in that 1 hour and 15 minutes. I know I will continue to learn from just this one tape for a long time. I felt the words dropping like pearls in a pond, I was truly present for much of it, and observant and aware when my mind tried to wander. It was wonderful. At first I noticed that I could not naturally rest and receive with my palms facing open, but as we moved through the breathing and poses I opened up and realized my palms were then naturally falling open without effort. I'm moving through my day now, much more as I would like. I was aware of being hungry and what I was hungry for. I fed myself with intention. I feel balanced and grounded in my body and aware of what it needs (a lovely cup of tea at the moment) and I am giving myself what I need with love and gratitude for where I am now. It's a start. I received many small revelations in my practice today, and one big one that has really landed, "My beloved child, break your heart no longer. Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart." It's a really good start. MK