Me in Tuscany

The making of the Just Is box has been a very revealing exercise. Sometimes, I swear, I am such a negative noodge. Stick a piece of paper in the box already, how hard can it be? Pretty tough apparently, since I couldn't seem to do it without experiencing a silent avalanche of negative thoughts with each submission. Impossible. Never happen. Who are you kidding? I couldn't even put a picture of the Tuscan countryside in the damn box. let alone really envision myself there popping a hot grape into my mouth while wandering through Cortona on market day. Some stories are harder to rewrite than others.

The making of the box went rather well, actually. I found a suitable box with little trouble and some pretty paper for decoration in the scrapbooking supplies . There wasn't enough paper to cover the box, but I impressed myself with a creative design that used what I had at hand to accomplish a pretty result. As usual, all smiles at the beginning. Then the trouble started. At first I couldn't think of anything to put in the box. But that's crazy, surely there are things I want to manifest in my life. I sat for a full five minutes blankly staring at the empty box. It was disturbing. Like when you're a kid in summer and have two months of freedom still stretching ahead and can't think of anything else you want to do, only this was way worse, It felt like rigor mortis had set in to that part of my brain responsible for thinking up the things I want to do in life, Then gradually, tentatively, thoughts began to emerge. Travel. Writing goals. An antique farmhouse table. The usual kinds of desires,nothing big, but boy already I could hear myself doubting. Just thinking of where I could find a relevant image to put in the box set me off on a litany of reasons why that little idea would never fly. You don't really believe you can do/have/accomplish any of these things do you. Well, do you? For God's sake it's just pictures in a box, snap out of it! Then, the Just Is box started to work its magic. With each addition to the box I faced my belief in what is possible, and the fact that deep down, I do still believe that anything can happen--what a relief! So in went Tuscany and Provence, but remember, no censoring the vision, so the next thing I knew, in went Africa! Out went dread and fear and in rushed optimism, anticipation, fun, and an openness to dreaming about the world again unfettered by disbelief.

Thank you Jenny for my Just Is box. I can't wait to see how it evolves. I suspect things will happen like they did to Frances Mayes in Under the Tuscan Sun. Early on, depressed, alone and rudderless she questions why the heck she bought a house for a life she doesn't even have. What if there are never people to sleep in those rooms or anyone to cook for in that kitchen. Her friend tells her how the people of Italy built a train track over the Alps to connect Vienna and Venice long before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. In the end, Frances realizes she's gotten everything she asked for, though it has all come about in unconventional and unimaginable ways. I know that will be me in Tuscany...the things that are will just be, but how they become we'll have to see! MK